Or maybe you out and out hate your career choice. You went into teaching in part because your parents pushed it, but you’d kill to have your own business designing websites.

Either way, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to feel stuck. Though it’s not true that the average person will have five careers in his or her lifetime (that much-quoted stat was apparently some wild guess), these days it’s not uncommon to switch fields at least once. I did it, and I love my new life.

But making a switch takes work. And nerve. You may not like what you’re doing, but it probably feels safe—and it pays the bills. So let me suggest a few ways to find your career-change mojo.

First, try this other career on for size. Instead of just letting the idea bounce around your brain, get as much experience and training in the new area as possible. Take courses, volunteer, do it “pro bono” for friends or family—all while you still have your other job. I met a successful caterer recently who told me she first tested the waters by doing easy dinner parties at friends’ homes for only the cost of the food.

I tested the waters, too. Though I loved my job running Cosmopolitan magazine, I began to dream about one day leaving and writing full-time, partly to gain more personal freedom. So I wrote a murder mystery on weekends, sold it, and got a contract to write more, which I did for a number of years. Yes, it could be a bitch to write fiction and handle a demanding full-time position, but I made the time for it by jettisoning other things—including Saturday shopping sprees and tennis… Continue reading at the Daily Muse

But you’re still not over the hump, of course. Next, you must prove you’re the one. Unfortunately, even a strong candidate can blow it with one bad comment. Here are some of the doozies I have heard over the years.

1) “My favorite magazine? Glamour, I guess.”
There’s nothing wrong on the surface with that answer, but the person who said it was applying to be my assistant when I was running, duh, Cosmopolitan. You might assume she was guileless and just couldn’t utter a lie, but I think she was actually incredibly nervous and blurted out an answer that, though true, she instantly regretted.

My recommendation for every job interview, no matter how senior you are, is to rehearse. Jot down possible questions — standard stuff as well as far-out ones (use your imagination) — and role play with a good friend. But change your answers up a little each time so they won’t sound canned during the interview. Even if you get thrown a few curveballs, rehearsing will up your comfort level so you’ll be better able to deal with those.

2) “I’d like to be involved in some aspect of magazines — editorial, or maybe marketing.”
I heard many variations on this over the years (“articles or fashion,” “fashion or photo,” etc.) and that kind of response guaranteed I’d cut the session real short. It’s not the interviewer’s job to help you sort out how the company and/or field works. Nor is she there to help you decide on a career path. Never seem ambivalent or unfocused. Avoid the word “or.”

3) “Does the company offer childcare?”
That may be something you definitely have to find out, just as you need to know about the 401K plan and vacation time. But don’t solicit that information from a prospective boss during the initial interview. You need to be zero in on the job and what it entails, not the benefits and perks. You can get to those details when… Continue reading at HuffPo’s The Blog.

Here’s a sampling of work perks based on level of employment. Availability will also depend on your field. (Hint: don’t be afraid to ask for stuff in the tier above yours — you never know.)

When You’re Just Starting Out (at a decent job/company)

1.       Continuing education benefits/tuition reimbursement
2.       The chance to telecommute sometimes
3.       Access to a mentoring program
4.       Access to training seminars
5.       A health/wellness stipend (i.e. gym, yoga classes)
6.       Marketplace discounts (this one is often automatic)

When You’ve Scored a Job on the Fast Track

Everything listed above, plus… Continue reading at HuffPo’s The Blog.

More from The Huffington Post:
·         Notes From a Scandal: The Petraus Affair
·         How to Get Out of the Binder and Into the Room
·         Kate White, Former ‘Cosmopolitan’ Magazine Editor, Prepares For Her Next Chapter

The “don’ts” leap right off the page/screen. DON’T have an affair with a married man you work with; DON’T arrogantly flaunt a silly honorary title; DON’T send emails without imagining other people reading them; DON’T send threatening emails; and DON’T go into massive debt throwing networking parties.

But something else occurred to me while devouring the daily updates. Though Paula and Jill made a mess of things in the long run, they used a couple of smart, steal-worthy strategies at the front end. They just should have quit while they were ahead.

Let me start with Paula. It was gutsy and shrewd of her to contact Petraeus and ask if she could interview him for her Harvard dissertation. It would have been easy to think, “Oh, I’ll never get a yes from a guy like that” and settle for someone less noteworthy. Granted, Broadwell had an impressive CV that helped her cause, but she also clearly recognized the sheer power of “the ask”. She obviously also recognized that people, no matter how important they are, love to talk about themselves.

So keep that in mind. Ask. For introductions, for opportunities, for perks, for raises and great starting salaries. And when you meet key people at networking events, ask them lots of questions about themselves and their work.

Now Jill. She’s been described as a bored socialite looking for attention, but since she supposedly worked for a couple of charities and had that amazing license-plated title of honorary counsel for South Korea, let’s call her a career girl.

Here’s what she did that’s so worth imitating. She placed herself at the powerful nexus of Tampa’s military-civilian circles by filling a void. As one insider told People magazine, army commanders get isolated and it’s nice for them to have civilian friends who support them. The glitz Jill offered apparently proved enchanting. It turned out to be a great way for Jill to gain prestige and clout. Until she worked it too hard and it blew up in her face.

The lesson? No, you don’t have to go broke giving parties. But consider what nexus you’d like to occupy and determine if there’s a void you can fill to help you land there.

She seemed a little surprised by the fact that I was endorsing the concept of office romance. Well, maybe I’m a romantic or softie, but let’s face it: it can be tough to meet a good guy these days. When you find yourself attracted to a work colleague who you’ve spent days or weeks interacting with, it can seem like a far saner way to forge a romantic connection than picking up a stranger at a bar or sorting through the lame-assed liars on Match.com In fact, according to some studies, at least 40 percent of people have dated someone they met at work.

But I added a caveat to my answer: before you date a “safe” candidate at work, you have to realize this: People will find out—no matter how careful you are. Your co-workers see you all day long and they’re attuned to nuances in your behavior that you may not even be conscious of. I was briefly married in my late twenties and after it ended I decided not to broadcast it in the office. But a 23-year old guy I worked with asked me if everything was okay because he noticed I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring. Jeez, Doogie Howser, P.I.

Plus, when you have the hots for someone, it’s just hard to keep a lid on your feelings. You act weird or goofy when the other person is in your presence—avoiding eye contact or saying dumb stuff. Paula Broadwell told a reporter that Petraus considered her his “avatar.” You don’t make a comment like that about the subject of the biography you’ve written. You say that about a guy you’re totally whipped over.

Okay, once you’ve accepted the fact that THEY WILL FIND OUT, you need to ask yourself a question before you say yes to that drink that you know is more than a drink: “When people higher up in the company find out, how will it alter their impression of me?” If you’re 24 and fairly low on the totem pole or you work in a very easygoing, entrepreneurial setting, it may not be a big deal. But if you’re more senior and your company and/or boss are fairly buttoned up, it could negatively color their perception–even if you theoretically are doing nothing wrong. Your boss may get this idea, perhaps not even fully formed, that you are the type of person who puts a need for romance above your work priorities, that you don’t really care what other people think, and that you don’t mind being the subject of gossip (and there will be gossip, trust me).

None of this may make a higher up want to fire you, but it might affect your performance reviews, the assignments you are given and the chance for promotion.

I’m not saying don’t go for the romance. But be sure to ask yourself that question—and listen hard to the answer.

The first example involves the awesome publicist at my Canadian publisher who coordinated my PR appearances. It turns out she had actually spent the first five years of her career as a chef. But as she looked ahead and imagined kids in her life, she knew she didn’t want to work crazy chef hours for the long term. Some exploration led her to the idea of going into book publishing. But there was a hitch. She’d attended culinary school, not college. After hearing about a special publishing program for college grads, she went to see the man who ran it–and she made her pitch to him: “Let me be the first person who attends who isn’t a college grad.” He said he’d take her on if she spent three months interning in a publishing company. So that’s what she did. When she returned to him, he told her the class was full, but she reminded him of his promise and he found room. And that’s how her second career began.

The second example is a woman who had just started in an entry level position at my publisher’s. How did she get the job in such a sucky market? At a conference, she heard a man speak about social media and the book business. Afterwards, she went up to him and said how impressed she was with his work and his company. I asked her if anyone else had done that kind of thing that day? No. She stayed in touch with him and when a job opened up, he made contact and eventually hired her.

It’s just so clear how these women got what they wanted. Rather than waiting around, they determined where the bull was and yanked it hard by its horns. So find the person who can help you with your next career step, walk up to him or her, make your case, and then show you mean business.

Get out of the binder

Even if you didn’t watch the presidential debate on Tuesday, I’m sure you’re now familiar with Mitt Romney’s phrase, “binders full of women.” He used it describe the efforts he supposedly made to recruit women for his cabinet when he was governor of Massachusetts. The phrase quickly went viral, giving birth to Tumblr parodies, a Facebook fan page and tons of hilarious tweets. One of my favorite tweets: “Most men with binders full of women are called serial killers.”

It’s hard not to find his comment irritating, especially in light of later reports spelling out that it was actually women’s groups that presented binders of qualified women to Romney, worried that women would be shut out. And yet there was another comment, a little bit ahead of the binder remark, that bugged me even more.

Here’s a recap of Romney’s remarks, just for reference. “I had the chance to pull together a cabinet, and all the applicants seemed to be men. And I—I went to my staff, and I said, ‘How come all the people for these jobs are—are all men?’ They said ‘Well, these are the people that have the qualifications.’ And I said, ‘Gosh, can’t we find some women who are also qualified?’ And so we took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become member s of our cabinet. I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks?’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

The remark that really annoyed me? It’s when Romney asked, “Can’t we find women who are also qualified?” Why wouldn’t Romney, as a leader, already be aware of the smart, qualified women out there? That’s what you do when you’re in a leadership position—you stay informed about the talented players in your professional universe, you keep tabs on them, you even court them, and sometimes you take them to lunch. But all the smart, qualified women were clearly invisible to a guy like Romney. He hadn’t been watching for them or paying attention.

Thankfully those women’s groups in Massachusetts were extremely proactive and it paid off, because Romney did appoint more women than usual to his cabinet. We need more proactivity like that.

But individually we also have to take the bull by the horns and help ourselves lose invisible status. One way to do that is by acquiring professional sponsors.  Sponsors are somewhat like mentors but rather than just offering advice, they open doors professionally for you. According to a study published in Harvard Business Review, men are more likely to have sponsors than women–and sponsors lead to more job opportunities than mentors. So have mentors if you want, but also get yourself some sponsors.

You can’t wait for a sponsor to find you. That sometimes happens, but don’t just sit there hoping for it. Instead, through some reconnaissance, you need to find a potential sponsor and then adopt the person. It may be someone you already know but it could also be someone you seek out at a networking event. Introduce yourself and comment on his or her work—a speech the person gave recently, for instance. Give your card. If the moment seems right, ask if it would be possible to have an exploratory interview. Later on, send the person a link to an article that touches on something you two talked about. Ask his or her opinion. Develop semi-regular contact—but without seeming like a damn stalker! Share news of your professional success. And if an opportunity arises where this person could be a door opener, making an introduction for you (even just an email intro), ask for his or her help. Don’t be shy. Guys do this all the time. It’s why they end up in the room and not just in the binder.

And be grateful. Send a written thank you note. Maybe even a nice bottle of Bordeaux.

Photo via bindersfullofwomen.tumblr.com

Here’s the problem with a puffer coat. It doesn’t say you mean business.

Let me start by saying that personally I have nothing against puffer coats. I even have a couple in my closet, and I like the particular way they keep you warm—it’s like being zipped up in a quilted sleeping bag.

But if you want to stand out from the pack at work and look like someone who deserves to be promoted, don’t show up at any important work event wearing one. I tweeted about this the other day—and mentioned it on Dan Gross’s The Number show on Daily Beast. It’s getting some interesting reaction, so let me explain my anti-puffer comment.

The fashion style in workplaces has grown more and more casual in recent years, and, hey, that can be very nice. When you’re in jeans, a turtleneck and ballet slippers, you get to concentrate on your to-do list and not on how pinched your toes feel in your four-inch pumps or the annoying way your black tights keep bunching up under your skirt.

And yet not all workplaces endorse the casual look, and in many places having a really pulled-together personal style can matter a whole lot. I’m a big believer in that old adage: dress for the job you aspire to. Your clothes can say you mean business, that you know appearances count, and that quality matters to you.

Here’s the problem with a puffer coat. It doesn’t say you mean business. It doesn’t say you’re about to kick butt on a project. Instead it announces, rightly or wrongly, that you just finished shoveling your driveway or snuck back from your kid’s soccer game.

Train your gaze on the higher ups, those whose jobs you want some day—as well as those who do the promoting—and then go for the same degree of polish or pizzazz. Trust me, bosses notice what you wear, and when they’re considering you for a higher position, they will (consciously or unconsciously) factor in your style.

Sometimes we resist dressing the part because we feel self-conscious about the whole process–or just clueless. I certainly I had plenty of those moments early in my career. If you’re in doubt, arrange to meet with the personal shopper at a few department stores and pick one who you think can advise you (so she doesn’t push too much on you, explain that right now you just want to figure out a general style that works well for you and purchase some basic pieces).

And then keep evolving. When I was senior editor at a magazine in my thirties, I worked side by side with this smart, ambitious woman who had a certain look she wore every day—slacks, flats, and a little cardigan. It was perfectly okay for a senior editor. She moved to another magazine and was promoted a couple of times, but when I ran into her I noticed that she’d never given up the slacks-and-cardy combo. Recently I heard she lost out on a top job that she probably would have been great at. A short time later I bumped into the headhunter who had done the search and he asked me about her. “She a very good editor,” I told him. “But what’s with all those cardigans?” he said. “She just didn’t look the part.” My former co-worker had never upgraded her style and it cost her.

Of course, if you’re really really going to freeze your butt off, these (fur free!) puffer jackets are Gutsy Girl-approved:

• Burberry’s Quilted Taffeta in bright bilberry
• On a budget? Check out J.CREW’s Wintress Puffer
• Moncler’s smokey Fitted Down Coat 
• GUESS Faux Fur Trim Quilted Satin Jacket
• For the fashion forward, Marni’s Long Puffer Vest
• Burberry Brit’s Belted Down Coat is fresh in brown

Have a favorite puffer? Send me the link in the comments!

Well, things did get off to a slightly rocky start. On my first day AC (After Cosmo), I accidentally took the elevator to my old floor. Once I realized my mistake, I almost dove back toward the elevator, fearful a security siren would go off.

But then things turned blissful. My new office had been outfitted over the weekend, and I loved it. It’s a smaller, more intimate space, which tends to work better for me, and the view from the window is so serene. Throughout the week there wasn’t a single moment of regret or sadness. I didn’t even mind the loss of status. When I was getting coffee on the floor one day, the guy next to me asked me “What magazine do you work for?” “None,” I told him without flinching. “I’m just a consultant.” He looked baffled, curious perhaps why a consultant would have a zebra-print chair in her office and a Botero print of a nude woman eating oranges.

Why, I asked myself, wasn’t I experiencing even a twinge of regret? But I already knew the answer. I’d loved my Cosmo years but by the end I was more than ready for a change. I had decided to live a more entrepreneurial life. And now it felt really good.

But how can you tell for certain you really want to make a big move? How can you be sure you’re not simply in the headlock of a bad week or month? Several colleagues have asked me variations on that question lately.

Well, for starters, if you’re even asking yourself the question—“Is it time for me to go?”–chances are good that it is. Other signs: you’re feeling bored, unchallenged, listless. When you get email alerts for meetings, you hear yourself saying, “Oh, please, no.” For me the revelation came when I found myself feeling grouchy at work, something I’d rarely felt in the past. I had less patience than I’d had before.

On the flip side, absolutely loving your job can be an early warning signal. It doesn’t mean you should leave that second but it’s a sign you’re in pre-change days. Because you’re starting to get comfy, lacking challenges and risks. It doesn’t mean you have to change your job necessarily, but you do need to shake it up, take on a new project.

The key is to act. Because if you wait until you hate your job, you’ll have zero energy. Think about what could be next. Imagine a new adventure. And network, like hell, telling yourself you’ll use each conversation to listen and potentially come away with an idea. I’ve learned that contact + curiosity = opportunity. And sometimes even fabulous opportunity.

This is one part of the job that I will really miss

When you were young did you ever play the jump-rope game where you try to skip into a swinging rope held by two other kids? I always loved that game as a little girl. I was terrified of getting wacked in the face by the rope, but it was worth it to experience the thrill of jumping in at exactly the right moment.

I had a jump rope moment yesterday in my career. I left my job as editor of Cosmopolitan to focus on my work as an author and speaker, promote my new career book, I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This, and start a digital business.

Last January I went to my fab boss and told him that the time had come for me to leave Cosmo and that meant he would begin to look for my replacement. It was bittersweet for me. I’ve loved Cosmo, I’ve loved Cosmo readers, and I’ve loved making it #1 in its category for 14 years–but I was itching for a change.

Change is really important in your job. It keeps you fresh, energized, and yes, on your toes. It’s good to be kind of scared—though never paralyzed with fear, of course. I told my staff they should use my departure to think about where they are professionally and what they may want next.

And it’s also good to be always looking for windows of opportunity to take advantage of. One of my favorite Shakespearean passages is from Julius Caesar: “There is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at the flood lead on to fortune.”

It’s another way of saying you have to find the right moment to leap into the swinging jump rope and experience the thrill of it.